Day 69 - Poison into Medicine

“Now if you wish to attain Buddhahood, you have only to lower the banner of your arrogance, cast aside the staff of your anger, and devote yourself exclusively to the one vehicle of the Lotus Sutra. Worldly fame and profit are mere baubles of your present existence, and arrogance and prejudice are ties that will fetter you in the next one. Ah, you should be ashamed of them! And you should fear them, too!” (Questions and Answers about Embracing the Lotus Sutra, WND-I, 58-59)

If there was ever a Gosho passage I feel was written specially for me- it is this one. And if there was ever a time I felt I needed to apply it to my life, and make this writing my own- that time is NOW. On some level, I have always known that I have deep-rooted anger & insecurity issues. Personal challenges that I have been facing recently have really brought these issues to the forefront of my life.

I sincerely hope what I am about to say does not discourage anyone, for that is certainly not my intent. But I do want to ‘keep it real’. Upon being asked to submit something for this blog, I was reading through the Gosho passages and determinations shared by fellow Youth Division leaders. Reading these, I started to think about my life- what does the “Bullet Train” mean to me? Am I even on the train? I want to be….or honestly, I feel like I SHOULD want to be. Why the “should”? Why doesn’t it feel natural to me, like it seems to be for others? Do I feel my leadership responsibilities are an obligation? Why am I a leader? …. Why am I even practicing? All my doubts came to the surface. As I battled to answer these questions, to resolve my doubts, I realized Nichiren Daishonin starts this quote by saying “IF YOU WISH….”. I realized that the moment I start to challenge my life is when “I determine” that no matter how hard, even impossible it appears for me to win, I MUST WIN! This desire- to win, to want to overcome problems that have forever plagued our lives, is something very basic, very fundamental to our practice; at the same time, very easy to forget.

I want to overcome my personal challenges of anger, arrogance and insecurities ruling my life, so that I can encourage young men in my area – that using this practice, any poison can be changed into medicine. In fact, we come to appreciate the ‘poison’, for without it, we cannot have the ‘medicine’. This is my deep determination towards January 2nd, 2008. Achieving a victory in this challenge is my response to Sensei!

Paul Eddy, South King Area Young Men's Leader